Humor - Do You Get What You Pay For?

Although getting what you pay for is a truism that's withstood time, we keep trying to get more than we pay for. We buy on sale, at discount and in bulk. We use coupons and accumulate frequent flyer miles. Nevertheless, profit margins are rarely marginal. Even going out of business sales make money. When my sons were growing up, I thought they'd put all-you-can-eat buffets out of business; but they never bit off more than the restaurant owners could chew.

When I was a child, I saved bubblegum wrappers until I had enough to send for a secret decoder ring. When I realized I hadn't put my return address on the envelope, my mother suggested I send a letter of explanation to the bubblegum company. I did, but I didn't get a decoder ring. Instead, I got five pieces of bubble gum and a lesson in diplomacy.

When I was a teenager, I wanted a different ring - a gold and enamel cigar band ring I'd seen advertised in a magazine. As soon as I'd saved thirty-nine dollars, I sent for it. That ring was my pride and joy - until it turned my finger green. My mother tried to ease my disappointment by assuring me I'd gotten what I paid for. "That's what thirty-nine dollars buys", she said - and that had the ring of truth.

Blind dates are free matchmaking. After several arranged introductions, I decided they were called blind dates because the people who arranged them were blind to what I wanted. Thankfully, my older sister felt the same way because I'm two-kids-worth, happily married to her last blind date.

Originally, catalog shopping was for people who didn't have access to major stores. Now it's for people who don't have time or don't have the internet. Then there's the twenty-four hour shopping channels for people who don't have lives. Shopping has changed, but buyer beware hasn't. As my grandmother said, if it sounds too good to be true it's because you're not hearing the whole truth.

We've all heard plenty of advice. How to get a promotion, find love or lose ten pounds. These days advice is everywhere - in newspapers and magazines, on radio, TV and the internet and - of course - on the lips of friends and relatives. My grandmother had an opinion about advice too. She said free advice is always worth what you pay for it.