Parenting - Kids Who Steal - What Can You Du About It?

Children steal for a variety reasons. Some steal for comfort, others to impress a group of friends, get back at their parents, or to get the things they want. Sometimes they steal just because it is exciting. Probably as many as one in four children have deliberately stolen something at some time. Most, of course, never do it again. But those who do, do so for one reason: it works. Whatever their core need: attention, money, or excitement, the stealing provides it for them.

The big question of course is, how to make them stop? They need to find other ways to get those needs met and you need to help.

They also must learn the value of honesty. If you are trying to help your child or someone else's, it's a good idea to talk about ordinary things like school or television. You can work in your points about the positive traits of honesty and integrity. Using this technique, you can also bring them subtly around to sharing your family's moral code.

At the same time, model it yourself. What do you do when you find a wallet in the street? Or when you are given too much change in a shop? Your children will be watching you, and learning.

Your primary emphasis is on promoting honesty. You can use everyday events, such as stories from television or school, to begin to instill the values of honesty, integrity, and family morals.

At the same time, you need to model the behavior yourself. Are you conscientious about returning change when you are given too much in a store, what do you do when you find a wallet or money in the street? Your children learn by watching you.

Keep your eyes on your children. Catch them in the act of being good instead of focusing on when they are doing something wrong. Children respond to reward and praise for their little acts of honesty. This helps promote a culture of honesty in the home.

Return the goods to the manager of the shop, school child, or teacher, along with some compensation and an apology.

Children respond to being encouraged to do the right thing. This means making things right. This means a variety of steps, not just paying back what was stolen, but also paying compensation for the inconvenience and disrespect caused by the theft. Encourage the child to find solutions him or herself with your support. Here are some ideas:

Bring the item back to the manager of the shop, school child, or teacher, along with some compensation and an apology.

If taken from a stranger, remove the items (perhaps hand them in at the police station) and impose a fine or loss of privileges.

If the item is no longer in the child's possession and the money has been spent, ask the child to sell some of their own favorite items (even to you) to pay for them and the fine. Make sure what is sold is gone for good.

Avoid a long grounding sentence. Jail does not reform hardened criminals, and grounding will probably not reform your own little angel.

The final point is to let it go once the event is over. Go back to work at rewarding right behavior and quit concentrating on the wrong. What we all should strive for continually promoting honesty. Your child isn't your enemy, the dishonest behavior is.

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Dr. Noel Swanson, Consultant Child Psychiatrist and author of The GOOD CHILD Guide, specializes in children's behavioural difficulties and writes a free newsletter for parents. He can be contacted through his website: www.good-child-guide.com. This article is copyright. You are encouraged, however, to freely copy it provided this signature block is included without modification (other than the addition of your own affiliate link)